advice

one should never go see the canadian premiere of bare

on the same night as the said person's

coke head ex boyfriend who cheated on them is in the room

i stress this advice even further if

a) one has just recently come out to his or her mother

b) one made out with the boy who played peter at a party once when one and the aforementioned ex boyfriend were "non-exclusive"*

c) one has previously seen the boy playing jason naked, while the director has decided to cut jason's nude scene from the show (so as to avoid further disappointment)

one should also never attempt to drive home afterwords, talk to a boy in a different country, long for a boy in a different country, get lost, get caught behind an accident, miss the merge, end up at a native casino, pee publicly on native grounds, get lost again, and finally return home to find one's neighbour's house on fire all on the very same night as seeing the canadian premiere of bare.

that is of course unless one has plenty of coffee, red bull and is with their best friend, in which case the above could instead make for an incredible adventure, an emotional release of some sort and a very strange blog post that sticks in a certain instructional style for some reason unbeknownst to the writer.

* if it comes to it, one may choose to flirt heavily with the aforementioned cute boy playing peter in front of the aforementioned coke head cheater ex if one so pleases, especially if one can snag yet another kiss, a telephone number and can sometimes take pleasure in revenge of sorts.

playlist

blues is for the blue motherfucker:

1. Cry Me A River - Billie Holliday

yeah, my version ends at "you say you love me". i don't know why. i like it that way.

2. Re - Stacks - Bon Iver

imagine being emma. shit. 

(also this is pouring rain, this is paradise)

3. Telethon - Emily Haines

you'll notice emily is the only artist to appear twice on this list. we go way back.

4. Werewolf - Cocorosie

for the stains on her sheets and the stains on her soul. generic love shit.

5. Tell Me What to Swallow - Crystal Castles

yup.

6. The Crisis - Ennio Morricone

after i can hammer it out on the piano. but after what?

oooohhhhh mysterious. 

not really though.

that is, the mysterious thing, not the piano thing.

7. First Love - Adele

s'cuse me first love.

8. Your Heart is as Black as Night - Melody Gardot

i imagine if i'm listening to this breakup list, 

im going to agree with melody on this one.

for now at least.

9. Sprig - Emily Haines

oh hey again, you magical woman you.

this song is

mmmmm.

it just is.

10. I Shall Be Released - Nina Simone

me too nina, me too.

11. Rewind - Paolo Nutini

not that i really sleep anyways.

(i do, however, drink stronger spirits.)

12. Cycling Trivialities - Jose Gonzalez

in regards to motion and that shit.

13. Tonight - Lykke Li

sweden is a very cool country.

but you're probably a fuck tard and you let me go.

or i'm probably a fuck tard and i let you go.

or maybe neither of us are fuck tards.

but probably one of us is, because

i like having a fuck tard to be angry at.

14. Until We Bleed - Kleerup & Lykke Li (Mikael Karlsson Cello Mix)

oh hello there musical embodiment of

feelings afterwards.

15. Bum Like You - Robyn (Acoustic)

ithadtobeonhere.itjusthadta.

16. Baby Please Don't Go - Muddy Waters

like i said,

blues is for the blue

motherfucker.

17. Nothing2Step2 - Thunderheist

because this song makes me really happy

and you don't.

and because its amazing.

i was looking at carlos' heartbreak mix in his One Dose Daily video

and i looked at mine as a result.

i actually just love this playlist.

i'm going to burn a new copy.

and i can listen to it without that feeling.

its not because i need it,

its because its a wicked cd.

i didn't know i was at that point,

and that feeling

is fucking awesome.

coffee tables.

As you may or may not know, I'm co-president of arts council at my school. We do all the arts things. All of 'em. My co-pres Nicole, who is also my lover/best friend decided to publish a magazine this year to document what we accomplished, because not to toot our on horn, we basically dominated. We raised two scholarships for arts students at our school, and yeah.

anyways, in the magazine she wanted some of our school's top "artists" to explore why they were or weren't going into arts. i'm not going in to arts. here is mine. cheeeese.

 I can't express to you how many times I've left a rehearsal ranting about how i would never do a show ever again. I always do though, it's that typical story. The feeling that you get from seeing and being in excellent theatre is incredible - it's absolutely horrible while it's perfect in every way and you'll never really understand it until you do it yourself. Still somehow I find myself going to study Human Rights next year. I hadn't even considered applying for anything but a Bachelor of Arts until I actually wrote it down Social Sciences on the application. I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't fit theatre into my life's path. Maybe I find it too heartbreaking- there is so much opportunity for loss and I've missed the mark so many times- or maybe I don't think I'm strong enough. By the end of The Metamorphosis, I had, in theory, killed my son 3 times a day, five times a week for about half a year. It takes it's toll. There is also the issue of confidence, but we don't need to touch on that. What I do know, is that that heartbreak is the best kind, and I don't think I could be weak in any better way. No matter what outlandish thing I end up doing with my life, theatre will always be a part of it, even if it's not my career because in spite of it all, that feeling is worth it and it's addictive. I'm insatiable.

hmmmm

i'm excited with life right now.

i met my idol today.

i realized that as far as what he's presented to me,

he is simply not as eloquent and intelligent and exciting as i thought.

he's just well read.

it's funny how much fame one can attain from calling out the u.n.

not that i devalue any of his accomplishments,

nor do i wish to deny that he's an incredibly good person.

do you have have days where you just learn so much from the most obscure things?

oh hey.

weeping willow won't you wallow louder

you are a bitch.

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.

ahhh

i am very bored, and waiting for stacey to come over.

so that we can do stupid teenager things.

and walk aimlessly.

also we will probably buy an umbrella.

this is a sign of summer.

see, stacey and i have these bleachers by my house.

we sit there and drink and do other silly teenage things,

and we wander aimlessly,

and every time it rains we buy a new umbrella.

every summer.

probably at least once a week.

its a lovely tradition of ours.

do you have traditions?

i think you do.

caleb was going to come visit this weekend

but his parents are afraid of ten lane highways.

so i think i'm going up (down) in a week or two.

i personally am a fan of the ten lane highways.

and i imagine there is less pollution over a ten lane highway than you would expect.

since you stop less, less idling. you know.

or maybe not.

i just like the image of them from above.

also the childhood memories and all.

anyways, whenever we end up visiting, 

expect music and fun times to be had in video form.

maybe.

actually maybe not. 

i think i'd like to keep that memory to myself you know?

i think you know.

dave saw my i'm your puppet video.

BWAHAHAHA.

ahhhh.

he told me it was harsh.

you can judge him if you'd like.

personally, while i wonder where he gets off calling anything i do harsh at this point,

i generally don't care.

i burnt twelve cds today.

burning cds is fun.

i accidentally put love and caring by crystal castles on my mom's mothers day cd and didn't realize that i had until i was out of cds.

also i called in sick to work today,

so i couldn't go there and pick up more cds now could i?

no i could not.

love and caring:

i got a job at american apparel.

wooooooooo.

i also formally signed my soul away to the university of my choice.

wooooooooo.

what else?

i get my full license on the 22nd.

wooooooooo.

i believe that i am going to get

"it's history.

 it's poetry."

in that specific font and everything

tattooed on my back.

or shoulder or something.

yeah. im into the tattoo thing.

uhhhhh.

i love you.

and i have to go to the washroom.

also i've decided to go for a run before stacey arrives.

so i'd like to do that as well.

this has been my stream of consciousness

thank you for reading.

peace.

oh also,

i think i'm going to post some crazy ass cover of 

Werewolf by Cocorosie

on my second channel.

just because i can.

except i think im only going to use my voice and no instruments

just because i don't have access to a synth or a kazoo or a drum.

just because i can.

i would much rather be watching totoro

growdancegrowdancegrowdance

best kids movie ever.

i want a cat bus.

if i wasn't afraid of cats, i would buy one and name it catbus.

i think its about time i wrote something of relevance here.

by relevance i mean something that is not overly depressing.

that would be nice.

i looked at houses today.

it looks like i'm going to have to pitch and buy a house next year with some friends.

i will confess to you that although i crave independence 

more than your average junky craves a fix,

the concept of moving out of my home and 

buying a house before i am legally an adult

is absolutely terrifying.

completely fucking terrifying.

well thats not all that happy is it.

good news is that my friends are generally spoiled so it will be a nice house.

 

31 days of high school left.

is it just me, or does getting a report card make anyone else feel like a 6 year old?

it reminds me of going through that phase 

where you realize what a horrible institution the school system is,

and that true intelligence isn't measured in 4 marks out of 100 hundred 

which are then averaged together 

to determine your worth to society blah blah blah

and you sit in your room faking sick moaning and groaning 

and chain smoking

and all that jazz.

i hope i'm not the only one who did that.

i'm over it now, report cards are just silly.

what am i even talking about again?

oh yes.

i had an interview with war child canada.

it wasn't actually an interview because it was quite obvious that i wasn't going to be hired,

but it was for university outreach coordination stuff at my university.

it was cool.

i think it was just for experience.

i'd like to share three gems with you now,

if you wouldn't mind.

one:

Down the Line - Jose Gonzalez.

beauty in song form.

i feel like this is the mental state that i am in the majority of the time.

two:

chez marat - Esther Rimbaud

this kid is just brilliant, and canadian

three:

Four Women - Nina Simone, cover by Madame Pepper

i don't understand why everyone hasn't seen this.

this is music at its best. soooo goood.

hi

new boy:

i drink too much,

and i smoke too fast,

and i don't think i'm going to trust you for a really 

really

long time.

sorry.

blog

blog

levi burton.

this is an autobiography that i wrote about a man that i stalked in the library for a realist drama assignment. 

ooooh realist drama. how artistic. bahahahaha.

anyways, i found him in the library, and he judged me for being on my computer in the young adult section rather than looking at books. that's why i chose him.

from there i delved into this man and created a new character: Levi Burton. 

a man who is superior. a man who indulges in the classics. a man who suffers from compulsions and a man who is draining to be around because he is exhausted with life. he is dying.

when i realized that Levi was dying, i sat in the library by myself and cried for about 2 hours, which at the time was a rare thing for me. anyways, here is his autobiography.

(when this is printed off in standard margins, each paragraph is 5 lines long)

Levi Burton
(pronounced lee-vye bhur-tonne)

 

Hello, it may or may not be my pleasure to meet you. By which I mean that you are one of a variety of people who may or may not read this and you may or may not be a pleasant human being. It occurs to me now that I am not meeting you, so in turn I suggest that it may or may not be your pleasure to meet me. I have always been one for introductions. I am Levi Burton, and I am a dying man.

 

            I am a dying man. I cannot reiterate enough. I, Levi Burton, am a dying man. What conclusive evidence is there to prove this fact, you may be asking. There is none, however there is conclusive evidence that each doctor I have ever met with is a complete and utter imbecile, the evidence being the fact that I am obviously a dying man. When I die, you will know; the doctors were all misinformed imbeciles.

 

            No one intelligent becomes a doctor. This is a dog eat dog world, you get nowhere by helping people. It takes an intelligent person to know this. I know this. Intelligent people make art. They focus solely on preserving themselves through their art because you see all good artists die. I know this. I am a dying man. Tchaikovsky, he is an intelligent man. He is also dead.

 

            I work in a library. I preserve art. Lately I have been placed in the Young Adult section, where there is no art for preserving because the young adults of today do not appreciate art. My employers believe it is art and needs preserving, but they also believe that they are intelligent. I am intelligent, I appreciate art, and I know. I know that there is no preserving art in the young adult section.

 

            Here I must begin a new paragraph, but not because I am beginning a new idea, which is when one should begin a new paragraph, I know this. You see, I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. I suffer so much. I die slowly, and I suffer. Each paragraph must be five lines. All I wish to say is that my employers try to spite me for my intelligence, and also because they know that I am dying. Hence Young Adult.

 

            Now I begin a new idea, which is convenient, as I had reached five lines, something, which you may or may not have noticed. If you did not notice, please try to keep up. I research diseases at my job, for I am not needed in the young adult section, for reasons, which I have already discussed. I research diseases and I slowly but surely come closer to finding this sickness that will be the death of me.

 

            You see, I am sick. I convulse and I ache, vomit and shake. How odd of me to rhyme there. I do not often rhyme, as rhyming is a generally happy thing to do but I am exhausted with life, as I am a dying man. I do not know why I wish to tell you these things. I moved to Canada from the Ukraine at a young age, and I watched people. By watching, I learned that they are often not worthy, they are unintelligent.

 

 

            I had no desire to move here. I was quite happy in the Ukraine, however my parents are scientists and not artists, they are not intelligent and they do not know good decisions. I was fluent in English, but I put up a fake language barrier, a wall if you will, out of spite. As a result, I learned to watch people. I learned by my watching that we artists are superior, the others are not worth our time.

 

            In fact, it is most likely that you are not worthy, that perhaps you are unintelligent. I know this from both my watching and from being an artist, from being intelligent. Thus, I will stop writing. Before I leave though, I leave you assured that I will find out what is killing me. Do not worry about me, Levi Burton. I will be preserved, for I am an artist, and I am intelligent. I am a dying man.

summer playlists

i literally spend hours on these.

i wear that shit out over the summer.

it has to cover everything from drunken romps, to drive ins,

impromptu road trips to montreal, new york and newfoundland

there has to be songs for the times that you're sick on the perfect day

waking up at ungodly hours to take the go train to queen street

and i live in northern ontario.

northern freaking ontario.

so there has to be a section for cottage-ing.

i'm going to post the final list here eventually.

do y'all have any suggestions?

in your experience of the world, how do people change?

"Well it has something to do with God so it's not very nice. God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from throat to belly and then plunges a huge filthy hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out and the pain, we can't even talk about that. And then he stuffs them back, dirty, tangled and torn. It's up to you to do the stitching."

"And then get up. And walk around."

"Just mangled guts pretending"

"Thats how people change"

tony kushner, is pure brilliance in human form.

dave=theatreboy=exboyfriendtimestwo=cheat =reasontherewasneveranythingwithlatteboy.

i am about to
stop eating
wear all black
chain smoke
drink only coffee
pick up a fatal
cocaine addiction
and blame every
stupid thing that
i do on my 'art'
for a good two weeks.
to say that
i am at my
wits end
would be a tad
melodramatic
i have been
cheated
hated
thrown up
on.
i am just
really fucking
tired. really tired.
i like to
write in pillars
of text sometimes.
i consider myself
to be a reasonably
strong person. i
do not bend or 

break easily. i 

have yet to 

bend or break
actually
im not sure that i will
but i digress.

pshttttt. that was lame.


that picture was taken the exact second 

that that boy heard for the first time in is life.

you can decide how you feel about it.

no metaphors here.

extended technology hiatus

hi world,

are you there?

its me, daniel.

i just thought i should let you know,

you're going to be my bitch this week.

no technology, no bullshit.

just you and me.

lets do this.

<3

everything in the sky

today i was stalking a man who works at the library

for realist drama.
i named him levi burton.
the task was to analyze him for an hour 

and then recreate him realistically

(meaning no theatrics, 

no unmotivated occurrences, 

no planned anything, 

just livethatbitchonastage 

recreation)

i got the vibe he was exhausted and tired with life.
then i somehow convinced myself that he was dying.
which resulted in me sitting in the library crying for a lovely hour.

i dont cry.
ever.

ever.

also a girl named ciara who is in special education 

showed me a poem she wrote
it was entitled pretty princess,
and explored her longing to be a pretty princess.
it was genuine and innocent, and i stood there and had tears streaming down my face
while i was reading it,
and it was just embarassing.

ewwwwwhumanemotions.

i imagine this is a result of my near 50 hours without sleep.

ILOVETHISPICTUREANDWISHTHATIWASTHATROBOT

i'm going to go attempt to live my life, 

and hopefully i pass out wherever i happen to be.

i met a butterfly the other day.

excuse me sir, i would like to leave the ride.

too many emergencies this time.

i want to be a fucking powerlineflyer.

"your lips are darker than before,

and the bags under your eyes are blacker than they were,

and there's something different about your skin.

and nobody knows how you got home last night"

"your bones are making me feel weary and when you speak,

i can't hear a word you say"

"if there are three old dances we could dance maybe,

three old songs we could sing maybe,

everything could be alright"

"but i keep tripping up the steps,

and there are some words i just forget,

and the tunes are fuzzy in my mind"

"and my brain hurts, and my soul does ache

and i've never felt this kind of pain,

and still nobody knows how you got home last night"

i don't know what i did to that.

i love kate nash.

after reviewing this post a few times,

i think that i'd like to add that i want dan levy

cheater.

i feel like 

an atheist 

caught in 

an undertow.

i hope 

to nobody

that i'm 

wrong about 

you.

tribute.

i want to be king. king of the fucking jungle.

that is all.

bang bang choo choo train

i don't know why that is the title.

it was just on the tv, 

which i'm not actually watching so i have no idea what it's for.

i hope it wasn't like porn or something.

if it was, trust me that i'm not THAT much of a pervert.

actually, either way it's not all that perverted.

i'll stop now.

remember those blog things that you sometimes tell people about, 

but for the most part you keep it secret?

well this is mine.

welcome.

i'm probably going to slowly delete everything.

hi.

hi there.

hey, hello, how are you?

i'm dan,

and i love you,

and the world,

and silly things,

and when little kids get really excited about silly things 

like water fountains that spray really high.

they remind me that i used to get that excited about silly things...

and still do sometimes...

i'm lame.

just so you know.

oooh they autosave these now.

how kind of them.

well thanks for that.

i'll be on my merry own way now.

it was nice catching up.... with myself? 

anyways, fare thee well.

peace and love,

dan.