Sunday, July 26, 2009


one should never go see the canadian premiere of bare
on the same night as the said person's
coke head ex boyfriend who cheated on them is in the room
i stress this advice even further if
a) one has just recently come out to his or her mother
b) one made out with the boy who played peter at a party once when one and the aforementioned ex boyfriend were "non-exclusive"*
c) one has previously seen the boy playing jason naked, while the director has decided to cut jason's nude scene from the show (so as to avoid further disappointment)

one should also never attempt to drive home afterwords, talk to a boy in a different country, long for a boy in a different country, get lost, get caught behind an accident, miss the merge, end up at a native casino, pee publicly on native grounds, get lost again, and finally return home to find one's neighbour's house on fire all on the very same night as seeing the canadian premiere of bare.

that is of course unless one has plenty of coffee, red bull and is with their best friend, in which case the above could instead make for an incredible adventure, an emotional release of some sort and a very strange blog post that sticks in a certain instructional style for some reason unbeknownst to the writer.

* if it comes to it, one may choose to flirt heavily with the aforementioned cute boy playing peter in front of the aforementioned coke head cheater ex if one so pleases, especially if one can snag yet another kiss, a telephone number and can sometimes take pleasure in revenge of sorts.

Friday, June 5, 2009


blues is for the blue motherfucker:

1. Cry Me A River - Billie Holliday
yeah, my version ends at "you say you love me". i don't know why. i like it that way.
2. Re - Stacks - Bon Iver
imagine being emma. shit. 
(also this is pouring rain, this is paradise)
3. Telethon - Emily Haines
you'll notice emily is the only artist to appear twice on this list. we go way back.
4. Werewolf - Cocorosie
for the stains on her sheets and the stains on her soul. generic love shit.
5. Tell Me What to Swallow - Crystal Castles
6. The Crisis - Ennio Morricone
after i can hammer it out on the piano. but after what?
oooohhhhh mysterious. 
not really though.
that is, the mysterious thing, not the piano thing.
7. First Love - Adele
s'cuse me first love.
8. Your Heart is as Black as Night - Melody Gardot
i imagine if i'm listening to this breakup list, 
im going to agree with melody on this one.
for now at least.
9. Sprig - Emily Haines
oh hey again, you magical woman you.
this song is
it just is.
10. I Shall Be Released - Nina Simone
me too nina, me too.
11. Rewind - Paolo Nutini
not that i really sleep anyways.
(i do, however, drink stronger spirits.)
12. Cycling Trivialities - Jose Gonzalez
in regards to motion and that shit.
13. Tonight - Lykke Li
sweden is a very cool country.
but you're probably a fuck tard and you let me go.
or i'm probably a fuck tard and i let you go.
or maybe neither of us are fuck tards.
but probably one of us is, because
i like having a fuck tard to be angry at.
14. Until We Bleed - Kleerup & Lykke Li (Mikael Karlsson Cello Mix)
oh hello there musical embodiment of
feelings afterwards.
15. Bum Like You - Robyn (Acoustic)
16. Baby Please Don't Go - Muddy Waters
like i said,
blues is for the blue
17. Nothing2Step2 - Thunderheist
because this song makes me really happy
and you don't.
and because its amazing.

i was looking at carlos' heartbreak mix in his One Dose Daily video
and i looked at mine as a result.
i actually just love this playlist.

i'm going to burn a new copy.
and i can listen to it without that feeling.
its not because i need it,
its because its a wicked cd.
i didn't know i was at that point,
and that feeling
is fucking awesome.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

coffee tables.

As you may or may not know, I'm co-president of arts council at my school. We do all the arts things. All of 'em. My co-pres Nicole, who is also my lover/best friend decided to publish a magazine this year to document what we accomplished, because not to toot our on horn, we basically dominated. We raised two scholarships for arts students at our school, and yeah.

anyways, in the magazine she wanted some of our school's top "artists" to explore why they were or weren't going into arts. i'm not going in to arts. here is mine. cheeeese.

 I can't express to you how many times I've left a rehearsal ranting about how i would never do a show ever again. I always do though, it's that typical story. The feeling that you get from seeing and being in excellent theatre is incredible - it's absolutely horrible while it's perfect in every way and you'll never really understand it until you do it yourself. Still somehow I find myself going to study Human Rights next year. I hadn't even considered applying for anything but a Bachelor of Arts until I actually wrote it down Social Sciences on the application. I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't fit theatre into my life's path. Maybe I find it too heartbreaking- there is so much opportunity for loss and I've missed the mark so many times- or maybe I don't think I'm strong enough. By the end of The Metamorphosis, I had, in theory, killed my son 3 times a day, five times a week for about half a year. It takes it's toll. There is also the issue of confidence, but we don't need to touch on that. What I do know, is that that heartbreak is the best kind, and I don't think I could be weak in any better way. No matter what outlandish thing I end up doing with my life, theatre will always be a part of it, even if it's not my career because in spite of it all, that feeling is worth it and it's addictive. I'm insatiable.

Friday, May 15, 2009


i'm excited with life right now.

i met my idol today.
i realized that as far as what he's presented to me,
he is simply not as eloquent and intelligent and exciting as i thought.
he's just well read.
it's funny how much fame one can attain from calling out the u.n.
not that i devalue any of his accomplishments,
nor do i wish to deny that he's an incredibly good person.

do you have have days where you just learn so much from the most obscure things?

oh hey.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

weeping willow won't you wallow louder

you are a bitch.
i am very bored, and waiting for stacey to come over.
so that we can do stupid teenager things.
and walk aimlessly.
also we will probably buy an umbrella.

this is a sign of summer.
see, stacey and i have these bleachers by my house.
we sit there and drink and do other silly teenage things,
and we wander aimlessly,
and every time it rains we buy a new umbrella.
every summer.
probably at least once a week.
its a lovely tradition of ours.
do you have traditions?
i think you do.

caleb was going to come visit this weekend
but his parents are afraid of ten lane highways.
so i think i'm going up (down) in a week or two.
i personally am a fan of the ten lane highways.
and i imagine there is less pollution over a ten lane highway than you would expect.
since you stop less, less idling. you know.
or maybe not.
i just like the image of them from above.
also the childhood memories and all.
anyways, whenever we end up visiting, 
expect music and fun times to be had in video form.
actually maybe not. 
i think i'd like to keep that memory to myself you know?
i think you know.

dave saw my i'm your puppet video.
he told me it was harsh.
you can judge him if you'd like.
personally, while i wonder where he gets off calling anything i do harsh at this point,
i generally don't care.

i burnt twelve cds today.
burning cds is fun.
i accidentally put love and caring by crystal castles on my mom's mothers day cd and didn't realize that i had until i was out of cds.
also i called in sick to work today,
so i couldn't go there and pick up more cds now could i?
no i could not.

love and caring:

i got a job at american apparel.
i also formally signed my soul away to the university of my choice.
what else?
i get my full license on the 22nd.

i believe that i am going to get

"it's history.
 it's poetry."

in that specific font and everything
tattooed on my back.
or shoulder or something.
yeah. im into the tattoo thing.

i love you.
and i have to go to the washroom.
also i've decided to go for a run before stacey arrives.
so i'd like to do that as well.

this has been my stream of consciousness
thank you for reading.

oh also,
i think i'm going to post some crazy ass cover of 
Werewolf by Cocorosie
on my second channel.
just because i can.
except i think im only going to use my voice and no instruments
just because i don't have access to a synth or a kazoo or a drum.
just because i can.

Monday, May 4, 2009

i would much rather be watching totoro

best kids movie ever.
i want a cat bus.
if i wasn't afraid of cats, i would buy one and name it catbus.
i think its about time i wrote something of relevance here.
by relevance i mean something that is not overly depressing.
that would be nice.

i looked at houses today.
it looks like i'm going to have to pitch and buy a house next year with some friends.
i will confess to you that although i crave independence 
more than your average junky craves a fix,
the concept of moving out of my home and 
buying a house before i am legally an adult
is absolutely terrifying.
completely fucking terrifying.
well thats not all that happy is it.

good news is that my friends are generally spoiled so it will be a nice house.
31 days of high school left.
is it just me, or does getting a report card make anyone else feel like a 6 year old?
it reminds me of going through that phase 
where you realize what a horrible institution the school system is,
and that true intelligence isn't measured in 4 marks out of 100 hundred 
which are then averaged together 
to determine your worth to society blah blah blah
and you sit in your room faking sick moaning and groaning 
and chain smoking
and all that jazz.
i hope i'm not the only one who did that.
i'm over it now, report cards are just silly.

what am i even talking about again?

oh yes.
i had an interview with war child canada.
it wasn't actually an interview because it was quite obvious that i wasn't going to be hired,
but it was for university outreach coordination stuff at my university.
it was cool.
i think it was just for experience.

i'd like to share three gems with you now,
if you wouldn't mind.

Down the Line - Jose Gonzalez.
beauty in song form.
i feel like this is the mental state that i am in the majority of the time.

chez marat - Esther Rimbaud
this kid is just brilliant, and canadian

Four Women - Nina Simone, cover by Madame Pepper
i don't understand why everyone hasn't seen this.
this is music at its best. soooo goood.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


new boy:
i drink too much,
and i smoke too fast,
and i don't think i'm going to trust you for a really 
long time.