Sunday, May 24, 2009

coffee tables.

As you may or may not know, I'm co-president of arts council at my school. We do all the arts things. All of 'em. My co-pres Nicole, who is also my lover/best friend decided to publish a magazine this year to document what we accomplished, because not to toot our on horn, we basically dominated. We raised two scholarships for arts students at our school, and yeah.

anyways, in the magazine she wanted some of our school's top "artists" to explore why they were or weren't going into arts. i'm not going in to arts. here is mine. cheeeese.

 I can't express to you how many times I've left a rehearsal ranting about how i would never do a show ever again. I always do though, it's that typical story. The feeling that you get from seeing and being in excellent theatre is incredible - it's absolutely horrible while it's perfect in every way and you'll never really understand it until you do it yourself. Still somehow I find myself going to study Human Rights next year. I hadn't even considered applying for anything but a Bachelor of Arts until I actually wrote it down Social Sciences on the application. I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't fit theatre into my life's path. Maybe I find it too heartbreaking- there is so much opportunity for loss and I've missed the mark so many times- or maybe I don't think I'm strong enough. By the end of The Metamorphosis, I had, in theory, killed my son 3 times a day, five times a week for about half a year. It takes it's toll. There is also the issue of confidence, but we don't need to touch on that. What I do know, is that that heartbreak is the best kind, and I don't think I could be weak in any better way. No matter what outlandish thing I end up doing with my life, theatre will always be a part of it, even if it's not my career because in spite of it all, that feeling is worth it and it's addictive. I'm insatiable.

Friday, May 15, 2009


i'm excited with life right now.

i met my idol today.
i realized that as far as what he's presented to me,
he is simply not as eloquent and intelligent and exciting as i thought.
he's just well read.
it's funny how much fame one can attain from calling out the u.n.
not that i devalue any of his accomplishments,
nor do i wish to deny that he's an incredibly good person.

do you have have days where you just learn so much from the most obscure things?

oh hey.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

weeping willow won't you wallow louder

you are a bitch.
i am very bored, and waiting for stacey to come over.
so that we can do stupid teenager things.
and walk aimlessly.
also we will probably buy an umbrella.

this is a sign of summer.
see, stacey and i have these bleachers by my house.
we sit there and drink and do other silly teenage things,
and we wander aimlessly,
and every time it rains we buy a new umbrella.
every summer.
probably at least once a week.
its a lovely tradition of ours.
do you have traditions?
i think you do.

caleb was going to come visit this weekend
but his parents are afraid of ten lane highways.
so i think i'm going up (down) in a week or two.
i personally am a fan of the ten lane highways.
and i imagine there is less pollution over a ten lane highway than you would expect.
since you stop less, less idling. you know.
or maybe not.
i just like the image of them from above.
also the childhood memories and all.
anyways, whenever we end up visiting, 
expect music and fun times to be had in video form.
actually maybe not. 
i think i'd like to keep that memory to myself you know?
i think you know.

dave saw my i'm your puppet video.
he told me it was harsh.
you can judge him if you'd like.
personally, while i wonder where he gets off calling anything i do harsh at this point,
i generally don't care.

i burnt twelve cds today.
burning cds is fun.
i accidentally put love and caring by crystal castles on my mom's mothers day cd and didn't realize that i had until i was out of cds.
also i called in sick to work today,
so i couldn't go there and pick up more cds now could i?
no i could not.

love and caring:

i got a job at american apparel.
i also formally signed my soul away to the university of my choice.
what else?
i get my full license on the 22nd.

i believe that i am going to get

"it's history.
 it's poetry."

in that specific font and everything
tattooed on my back.
or shoulder or something.
yeah. im into the tattoo thing.

i love you.
and i have to go to the washroom.
also i've decided to go for a run before stacey arrives.
so i'd like to do that as well.

this has been my stream of consciousness
thank you for reading.

oh also,
i think i'm going to post some crazy ass cover of 
Werewolf by Cocorosie
on my second channel.
just because i can.
except i think im only going to use my voice and no instruments
just because i don't have access to a synth or a kazoo or a drum.
just because i can.

Monday, May 4, 2009

i would much rather be watching totoro

best kids movie ever.
i want a cat bus.
if i wasn't afraid of cats, i would buy one and name it catbus.
i think its about time i wrote something of relevance here.
by relevance i mean something that is not overly depressing.
that would be nice.

i looked at houses today.
it looks like i'm going to have to pitch and buy a house next year with some friends.
i will confess to you that although i crave independence 
more than your average junky craves a fix,
the concept of moving out of my home and 
buying a house before i am legally an adult
is absolutely terrifying.
completely fucking terrifying.
well thats not all that happy is it.

good news is that my friends are generally spoiled so it will be a nice house.
31 days of high school left.
is it just me, or does getting a report card make anyone else feel like a 6 year old?
it reminds me of going through that phase 
where you realize what a horrible institution the school system is,
and that true intelligence isn't measured in 4 marks out of 100 hundred 
which are then averaged together 
to determine your worth to society blah blah blah
and you sit in your room faking sick moaning and groaning 
and chain smoking
and all that jazz.
i hope i'm not the only one who did that.
i'm over it now, report cards are just silly.

what am i even talking about again?

oh yes.
i had an interview with war child canada.
it wasn't actually an interview because it was quite obvious that i wasn't going to be hired,
but it was for university outreach coordination stuff at my university.
it was cool.
i think it was just for experience.

i'd like to share three gems with you now,
if you wouldn't mind.

Down the Line - Jose Gonzalez.
beauty in song form.
i feel like this is the mental state that i am in the majority of the time.

chez marat - Esther Rimbaud
this kid is just brilliant, and canadian

Four Women - Nina Simone, cover by Madame Pepper
i don't understand why everyone hasn't seen this.
this is music at its best. soooo goood.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


new boy:
i drink too much,
and i smoke too fast,
and i don't think i'm going to trust you for a really 
long time.

Saturday, May 2, 2009